To all my unborn sons and daughters...

I knew of some of you, and some of you I knew not. I want you all to know that I love you all, for the lessons which you taught your mothers and I, and though we were never able to meet your memory stays with me always.

I think about you sometimes, what would you be like? Would you be tall and strong like me, would you have been beautiful as your mother? Would I be able to see my Grandmother in your eyes? How old would you have been now, 12, 6, 4, 1, years, or would I still be anxiously waiting your arrival. How clever you would be, how inquisitive, how beautiful.

You have a sister, she is three years of age, and the treasure of my life. She is smart like me, and beautiful like her mother, she is kind and gentle and will someday be a mother herself. She loves the dirt, and her little dollies. And I know she would love you.

Thank you for your Life, short though it was.
I love you.

The stars at night.

For years and years I have been uncomfortable in the city, Sure I enjoyed the amenities and activities found within a bigger city, but the pure numbers of people combined with traffic, crime, pollution and the never ending cost of city living began to wear on me, and I began to lose my sanity! No amount of trips out of the city, no amount of camping was able to refresh that feeling, every time I ventured out of the city, I would ask myself "Why the hell do I live in the city?", and every time I returned I would ask myself, "Why the hell do I live in the city?" I never had a good answer for myself.

Four years ago, I began my Exodus, I got a job out of town, a safe place to stay, all was good. The day before I left however, I met the woman who would prove to be the mother of my child, and my exodus was put on hold. The honeymoon period was great but we leapt immediately from honeymoon to pregnant and from pregnant to parenting and my exodus was put on hold.

Our relationship lasted two years, full of beautiful moments and incredible beauty, the birth of our child and the establishment of our home, but unfortunately the stress of city living proved our undoing, ending in a mutually abusive relationship.

Immediately following this period, I began to resume my quest for exodus, albeit in an unorthodox fashion. I obtained an older (but in great shape) schoolbus and began it's conversion. For the last two years I have been living out of my bus, preparing it and myself for my journeys.

My daughter, and the lingering hope for if not a reconciliation, at least a working relationship with her mother kept me in the city, but the realization that it was never to be finally forced my hand.

So I am out, taking the first steps in my new existence as a non-city dweller, and as a nomad. eventually I hope to settle somewhere with someone meaningful, but untill then I intend to travel, collect new stories and experiances, make music and rejoice in the stars at night.

Back in the bus,

Well it's official, I'm back in the bus, Spent my first night in her last night, a little chilly, but only when i got out of my warm bed! I forgot how much i loved my bed, I've been on my futon for the last 6 months. Todo list for today, get my living room finished, and move all my crap from my apartment into the bus, before i go to work!. I had to tear all the interior apart to get my windows installed last year now it's just a matter of putting back together. I'm parked in an industrial yard next to my friends studio, he is "working" on some upholstery for me, at least that's what we are telling the landlords. lol

next post will be from ashcroft.

Happy Birthday to Me

Well another year has gone by, with it's own share of trials and tribulations, joys and heartbreaks. I'm a little greyer, a little balder, and a whole bunch wiser. I've made some new friends, some new lovers, lived in a few new places, tried a few new jobs, overall one could say a year of change.

Fitting considering it was my 30th year. (ok it was actually my 31st but just go with me ok)

In y 31st year I hope to do some more traveling, Make some new friends and best of all FINALLY get out of this city. I'm Packing up, pulling stakes and driving my big ol bus out of the city in the next week or so, hopefully by the equinox. Farwell city traffic, city pollution, city attitude.

where will this year take me, i don't know, but i do know that wherever I go the love of my friends and family will stay with me, and new friends, scenery, and adventure await.

31 Here I come!!

Laundry. vs Mum.

I was visiting my mum, and while I was over I tossed in a load of laundry. So I'm loading the washing machine and my mum sees me and starts questioning my Laundry abilities.
"What are you doing?"
"Just a load of laundry Mum,"
"WHAT!!, that's not how you do laundry!!"
Now to set the stage, I'm a Grown man, a Father, and I've been doing my own laundry ever since I was old enough to leave questionable stains on my night clothes. I know how to do laundry. And I should point out that I am a pretty casual, low maintainance type of guy, i wear jeans and black tshirts and a bandanna. sometimes a sweater. Ok, a kilt sometimes but that is a special case and not part of the story.

"What's the problem?"
"You don't do Laundry like that!!, you didn't seperate your colours or your whites!"

In the Laundry load in question the colours consised of one old red bandanna which had no chance of the colours running, and one pair of white sox.
I remember having this conversation 15 years ago, and i wonder why i'm having it again now. I mean, it's not like my clothes dont' get clean, It's obviously just a Mum thing. I dont' really mind,
though, it's how my mum expresses her love.


Love ya mum,

Manifestations made real,

Say what you will about the power of creative visualization and manifestation, even I think it sounds hokey sometimes, but i cannot deny it's power. Using these techniques I have been able to bring so many things into my life, both positively and negatively. Case in point, yesterday I was able to create three new work situations for myself; a building gig and two moving gigs. That by itself is impressive to me especially considering how little work I did to get them, I merely put myself in the right headspace and followed through.

In the past I have been able to manifest money, women, cars, seemingly out of the blue. I shudder to think of how many things I have destroyed using these powers carelessly

Dreaming of a bus...

So last night I had a surreal dream concerning busses, I have the most unreal dreams sometimes, especially when i am sick.(which i have been) My dreams are insanly real, and lucid more often than not. In fact my dreams are so real that they dirupt my waking life.

I had my own bus there, in a storage yard, and I had another bus which i was trying to hide behind my own bus (how do you hide a 40 foot bus anyway)

There was another bus involved as well, a GM fishbowl that I had just aquired. I have always wanted a Fishbowl, they are such classics.


umm well there is no point to this story, exept that it got me thinking about busses again, i spent all morning checking out busses on the internet, DAMN there are some wicked busses out there.

I'm really looking forward to being back in my bus.